Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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