you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
