My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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