My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
