My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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