ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
