So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize