I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
