This gyro tastes like lonliness
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
