Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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