Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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