Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
