his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
