Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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