My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
