It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize