At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Too much gin, very little bucket
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
