so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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