and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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