Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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