I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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