Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I could make wine with my vomit
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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