I just threw up on my dentist
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
