He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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