Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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