Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
