I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
