this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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