Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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