She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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