All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize