Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
