I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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