you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
