How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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