i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
