i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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