Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
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