Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
