I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
