you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize