can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
