so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
