The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
