I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize