I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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