Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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