I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize