it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
