All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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