Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
