I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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