How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
