Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
