How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
