my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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