I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Less talking, more tequila
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
