what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
