Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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