He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
