I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize