Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
