Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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