I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
