biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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