someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
