Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
