Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
