Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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