her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
