u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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