stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
