Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
