Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
