we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
