I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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