He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I've blown a few things in my day
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
