you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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